xx June
by coeurgryffondor
Summary: Lulu how am I to respond to that? / Denmark/Norway for Nordipalooza 2013.


Author's note: Written for Nordipalooza 2013, my prompts were _Norway_, _Denmark_, _healing_, _1800s_. I decided to go with the classic story told through letters motif because the real joy in writing DenNor (and any other Nordic pairing) lies in how distinct their voices are. So, with any luck, you'll be able to quickly tell who has written which letter without even needing to see the salutations. I couldn't do the whole period of time which I'd really wanted to but maybe I'll eventually go back and finish it.

* * *

**xx June**

xx June 1817

C-

I love you.

-L

* * *

xx December 1817

Your silence indicates I was mistaken in assuming your feelings for me might have remained.

-L

* * *

xx March 1818

Lukas,

Years of silence, years of silence! and the first thing you write me is "I love you" with no explanation. You had over **five centuries** to tell me that, five centuries where I loved you, lavished you, spoiled you, and you never, **ever** told me you loved me. And suddenly you write me that you love me?

Lulu how am I to respond to that? For weeks upon weeks I have been kept up at night contemplating what response I can give you and yet none has come to me. My feelings for you have not changed, they haven't in the slightest, and you being gone from me makes me only want you that much more. Lulu, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you! Write to me and tell me what to say, what to do, to please you!

your Christen

* * *

xx January 1819

C-

The snow is thick outside the castle. Is it the same in Denmark? Your weather, like you, has always remained a mystery to me. Perhaps because I never cared enough to learn its ways and see what was really before me. I was ignorant. I was stubborn. Forgive me.

-L

* * *

xx November 1819

My love,

There is nothing to forgive, there never has been! I love you, you are perfect, in your stubbornness, in your ignorance, in your arrogance, in your constant annoyance at me. Because I love you and so none of that matters. Surely you have at least learned that about me?

your Christen

* * *

xx June 1820

C-

B mopes about most days. He waits for T to return to him. He is so fucking stupid.

How is my brother?

How are you?

-L

* * *

xx December 1820

My Lukas,

Having just had the fortune of a meeting with Berwald I can say that he will definitely be more than moping when he returns to Sweden. Sorry about that! He just... oh! He riled me up! and so I riled him up right back and then that went on, back and forth, for a while without you to stop us the way you always used to.

And in that moment, Lulu, I realized how very important you are for him and me. I'm sorry I never realized the power you wielded over us before. Perhaps if I had, sooner, things could have been different.

As always I remain your fool,

Christen

* * *

xx September 1821

Yes but you are my fool and that's all that matters.

-L

* * *

xx January 1822

C-

We've had a birth in the castle, of B's housekeeper's baby son. He cries all night. It reminds me of Emil; I miss waking to find you holding him in your arms. We were so small then. I think we still are. Small and insignificant, you and me and Emil and Berwald and Timo and all of us. What do we matter? I mean honestly: what do we matter?

-L

* * *

xx October 1822

Lukas,

We matter to each other. Surely that counts for something.

As for your brother I hope his letters are getting through to you; if that Swede is allowing you mine, surely he is allowing you Emil's as well.

Are my letters enough for you? Tell me, and be truthful as I know you can be: are they?

Christen

* * *

xx July 1823

C-

The days are long, the temperature high, and thoughts of you are all that matter.

Of course they are enough.

-L

* * *

xx December 1823

Happy Christmas, my love. May you enjoy your day of rest.

your Christen

* * *

xx February 1825

Christen,

I resented you. I resented you for so long. And this isn't about power, which you always think it is, or I would resent Berwald the way I resented you.

It was that you never realized what you did to me.

You could see your love for me but not mine for you.

You saw who you wanted me to be but not who I am.

You so easily communicated your affection when I could not.

I have loved you since that trip to Greenland- you know the one. When we laid in bed and you asked if I loved you and I slapped you.

I slapped you because I was afraid.

I slapped you because in that moment I realized I did love you.

your Lulu

* * *

xx October 1825

Lukas,

That's all I need. That's all I've ever needy. I am so, so, so sorry I could not see you when you were here, but now can when you are there. We both messed up.

At least we have our love.

I love you, Lukas.

your Christen

* * *

xx June 1827

C-

I love you.

-L


End file.
